For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic
by arabesquesunset
Summary: Oneshot songfic. John Casey is assigned to train a new agent for the NSA, but how close is too close? CaseyOC.


**For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic**

The first time he saw her, she had the most intense look of focus on her face, smashing her fist into a punching bag in one of the NSA's many physical training rooms. Her clothes were covered in perspiration, and her hair was definitely not having its best day. But what topped it all off, of course, was the way her knuckles gave a loud crack when she hit the bag (the wrong way, obviously). He chuckled from the sidelines as he watched her shout curses at the inanimate object while cradling her hand, before finally walking out and clapping.

"Bravo, newbie. Jennifer, isn't it?" John Casey said, a cocky smirk on his face. This smirk was what set her off immediately.

"Yeah, well, I'd like to see you do it better," grumbled the trainee hoarsely, and was then surprised to see Casey shrug, accepting the challenge.

"Alright then." He strode forward, bracing himself, and putting all of his weight into one strike with his right arm, and a strong kick that shook the room. The attachment sealing the punching bag's chain into the ceiling snapped, and the bag came crashing down between them. Jennifer's right eyebrow raised slightly, but she would never show him she was impressed. Casey smiled at this, and then reached his hand out to shake hers.

"John Casey, your new trainer. Welcome to the NSA."

She eyed the offered hand warily, before finally grasping it with her own good hand. Upon contact, he pulled her back against the front of his body in a roundabout motion, one arm around her neck and his unloaded gun against the side of her head. In her shock, Jennifer had never even thought to struggle.

"Lesson one, newbie: don't trust anyone but yourself. Lesson two: never give up the fight. Forget either of those, and you're dead."

_Just talk yourself up  
And tear yourself down  
You've hit your one wall  
Now find a way around  
Well what's the problem?  
You've got a lot of nerve_

Two weeks had passed. Jennifer had daily, painful sessions with Casey, always ending with her losing fights to him in a landslide. She was sick of it. On the final day of those two weeks, he had somehow gotten her onto the ground on her stomach, one hand held behind her back and him on top of her, being sure she couldn't move.

"Come on, newbie," he growled. "Do something. We're getting nowhere."

"No kidding," said Jennifer sarcastically.

To get her moving, Casey pressed even harder on the arm behind her back, making her yelp. That was the final straw. Jennifer used her flexibility to lift up her legs, and bend them back to kick him off of her. He grunted in surprise before falling onto the ground.

"That's it. I'm done," said Jennifer, getting up and preparing the walk out of the room. As she got closer to the door, though, she knew what was coming. All of sudden, she was grabbed from behind and propped into a headlock, Casey breathing into her ear.

"You're never done, Jennifer. You're in the NSA. There's no such thing as a quitter here."

"There is now." And with that, she elbowed him in the stomach, walking out of the door and eventually leaving the building, attempting to process what she'd just done.

_So what did you think I would say?  
No you can't run away, you can't run away  
So what did you think I would say?  
No you can't run away, you can't run away  
You wouldn't_

The next day, Casey came into work in the foulest of moods. No one dared to stand in his path. No one quit the NSA. Ever. But even more than that, no one ever quit Casey. This was why his face became almost comical when he walked into the training room that morning and found Jennifer, once again working on her favorite punching bag. It was as though the day before had never happened. She saw him out of the corner of her eye, but didn't turn.

"Why, Casey, you look like you've seen a ghost," she said, a small smile lighting up her eyes. He grunted, hardly daring to believe that she'd come back.

"No, but do that again, and you're going to be one," he replied simply.

"Yeah, yeah, empty threat," she said under her breath. She knew that way, way deep down, Casey was happy that she'd come back.

Little did she know, that happiness was much closer to the surface than Casey would have cared to admit.

_I never wanted to say this  
You never wanted to stay  
I put my faith in you, so much faith  
And then you just threw it away  
You threw it away_

It had been a long time since Casey had been in so much physical pain. Needless to say, the newbie was getting better. Six long, hard months had passed, and Jennifer's training was almost coming to an end. She was nearly ready to become a full agent at the NSA. She hadn't given up since that one day so long ago, and it seemed that she never would again. Jennifer was becoming a dangerous person, in more ways than one. The one most relevant to Casey was that he was becoming increasingly more attached to her, and knew it would be difficult to let her go, no matter how much he wished to deny it. He had tried to prolong her training as long as possible, coming up with more and more excuses to convince himself that she just wasn't ready yet. When he chose to realize what he was doing, it just brought up too many unanswered questions. Such as why he didn't want to let her go. That's why, when she questioned him one day, he couldn't seem to control himself.

"Casey? Casey. Snap out of it," said Jennifer, trying to break the trance Casey was in, sitting in a corner of the training room.

"Huh?" he asked, looking up at her as she sat down beside him.

"When am I going to be ready to go out on my own?"

It was the question Casey had dreaded ever since he met her, when he hadn't even had his own feelings to add to the equation. So instead of giving her a legitimate answer, his heart began to beat wildly. Though trained in extreme combat and even to avoid being found guilty by a lie detector, this was one situation in which he just couldn't control himself.

"Don't ask questions," he grunted. But he knew she wouldn't take this as an answer.

"But when? I know I'm ready. I want to get out there and do something! You've been waiting too long!" said Jennifer indignantly. This was what made something in him snap.

"You're too young and you're too naïve. You need to grow up before you go out into the real world. You'll get yourself killed in seconds. You're not ready. You never will be." He rose up from the ground, not looking her in the eye as he left the room. Jennifer just stared after him.

That was the night John Casey realized he had gotten too close. That was also when he realized he had to leave.

_I'm not so naive  
My sorry eyes can see  
The way you fight shy  
Of almost everything  
Well, if you give up  
You'll get what you deserve_

Casey had been the only constant in her life ever since she joined the NSA. That was why, when he didn't show up for training the next morning, she began to panic. But she waited. Half an hour, an hour, two hours. She almost reached four hours of waiting when she finally gave up, and decided to see his superior. She didn't even want to let herself consider that something could have happened to him.

"Director?" asked Jennifer, as she walked into the office of Casey's higher-up.

"Agent Lark?" asked the man she had only met once before, during her interview process. He looked somewhat startled by her appearance in his office.

"I was just wondering, sir...has something happened to Agent Casey? He never arrived for training this morning."

"Nothing has happened to him, Agent. I would have thought you would be aware of Agent Casey's request for reassignment."

"...Reassignment, sir?" Jennifer asked, her heart in her throat.

"Yes, John Casey had felt the need to return to fieldwork. He is in the process of securing a partner from our department, and then he'll be out of contact. I'm quite sorry he didn't mention it to you. I'm sure he meant well. He's had a lot on his mind these past few weeks."

"Sir, did he happen to mention why he wished to be reassigned?"

"I'm afraid not."

Jennifer stared at the floor, wondering what had happened to the man she had idolized for the past few months. He couldn't be gone. He couldn't be. John Casey doesn't just leave. He can't run away. But then...she had left, once, too. Hadn't she?

"Thank you, Director."

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you, Agent Lark."

On her way out the door, Jennifer stopped dead, spinning on her heels, a mad idea lighting up her mind.

"Sir, did you mention that Agent Casey needed a partner?"

_You were finished long before  
We had even seen the start  
Why don't you stand up, be a man about it  
Fight with your bare hands about it now_

"Well, Agent Casey, I wish you and your partner good luck on your assignment."

"Thank you, Director," replied Casey, smiling even though something big had changed on the inside. This is why everyone had always taught him never to get too close to your assignment. Leave it to him to fall in love.

Wait...fall in love?

"Ah, here comes your partner now," said the Director, and Casey was snapped out of his reverie, turning around to see who he had been paired with.

He felt like someone had just slapped him in the face, hard.

Oh wait, that's because someone had.

"That's what you get for trying to leave without saying good-bye," said Jennifer furiously, glaring at him.

Looking bewildered, the Director quickly said his good-byes. "Well, I'll leave you two to catch up before you leave. Good luck." Once he had left, the two partners faced each other, Casey looking slightly terrified for the first time in their relationship. Jennifer, however, just looked murderous.

"How could you do that to me? Just run away without saying good-bye or even giving me an explanation?"

Casey tried to calm himself before answering. He didn't know how.

"I didn't want to disappoint you," was all he could bring himself to say.

And then she said it. He would rather have taken a punch than hear her say what came next.

"You're a coward, John Casey."

They just stared at each other for a good long while after that.

"Yes, I am," Casey whispered, closing his eyes.

"You were always the one that told me never to give up a fight, and that's exactly what you did," she said, a little softer.

"I also told you never to trust anyone but yourself," Casey reminded her.

"Now I know why."

She walked away from him for the last time.

_So what did you think I would say?  
No you can't run away, no you can't run away  
So what did you think I would say?  
No you can't run away, no you can't run away  
You wouldn't_

The next day, John Casey waited and waited in the airport. A first-class ticket to Europe lay in his hand, as he stared around for his partner that had never arrived. His mind kept replaying the scene from yesterday, as Jennifer walked away from him. Just thinking about her made his stomach do somersaults.

"The flight is now boarding," said a voice over the speakers of the gate, and he knew, at that point, that she wasn't coming. He had two choices...he could board the flight right now, and forget everything about the trainee that had changed his heart. Or...he could go after her.

_I never wanted to say this  
You never wanted to stay, well did you?  
I put my faith in you, so much faith  
And then you just threw it away_

Jennifer Lark sat in the dark living room of her apartment, trying to deprive her senses of everything she could. She thought that it might help her to stop thinking about him. But it seemed to be doing the opposite. He filled up her mind and every empty space around her. In her hand, she held the ticket to Europe the Director had given her yesterday, knowing that this was the end of her career. But it was worth it, if she never had to see John Casey give up on her again.

She was startled when there was a loud knock on her door.

She got up, walking slowly to the door with her hand on the gun in her jeans pocket, and without bothering to look out of the small peephole, she opened the door quickly, gun aimed at the head of none other than Agent John Casey.

Instead of pocketing it again, she kept aim, knowing it wasn't loaded, but still wanting to keep the upper hand.

"You have a lot of nerve, showing up here," said Jennifer in a dead voice.

"I know," was all he said in return.

There was silence for a while longer, before Casey spoke again.

"I was thinking about what you said yesterday, about my lessons. And I'm beginning to think there's...some loopholes to those lessons."

"Enlighten me," said Jennifer sarcastically.

"Well, for instance," Casey said, reaching up and taking the gun out of her hand, "when it comes to giving up a fight, if the person you're fighting is an exceptionally pretty girl, you may just want to let her win. Things will turn out for the better when all's said and done. That way, you won't have to listen to her complain about the bruises."

Fighting her first smile in many days, Jennifer replied, "Go on."

"And if you're talking about trusting people, if there happens to be a maddeningly handsome man in your life who makes you want to punch him in the face a few times a day, you may want to give him a few extra chances. You know, just because he can mess up. A lot. But at the end of the day, you'll know you can always trust him to be there for you, because he promises he'll never walk out on you again."

Jennifer watched him for a few minutes, before finally saying, with a small smile, "You're still a coward."

"Yeah, well, not anymore," said Casey, putting her gun on the table next to the door and pulling her closer.

"And you so cheated with that punching bag when we first met. I found the loosened screws."

He thought about that for a second.

"Guilty."

And then he kissed her.


End file.
